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Happy 50th Earth Day! Many of us have celebrated

Happy 50th Earth Day! Many of us have celebrated Earth Day by caring for the earth. This year, I believe we all could use a dose of healing from the earth.
I close my eyes. I feel alive and refreshed. I feel a deep sense of connection, of belonging. I am not alone.
I open my eyes. The sun warms my face. I am surrounded by trees. The birds are singing all around me. I smell the fresh scent of spring in the air. I breathe in the crisp morning air. I am one with the natural world.
My younger self would have been skeptical. I’ve always loved nature and enjoyed the outdoors. I even became a naturalist. The concept of being “one with the natural world” was foreign to a younger me, but she had not lived through one of the most difficult times in my life. She hadn’t been transformed.
After years of dreaming of starting a family, my husband and I lost our first baby due to a miscarriage. There are no good words to describe losing a child. Losing a child will test you in ways you cannot imagine.
I did some soul searching, read many books, and reached out to other loss parents online.
I know it is hard to hear in the midst of suffering, and sometimes you have to wait until you are on the other side, but good things can be found after surviving. It may take years to feel that way.
Slowly, my spirituality and resiliency were born from this tragedy. Religion and spirituality are very personal, so believe what you want to believe.
I believe in a higher power. For me, I can feel it in the living things around me. I feel it in the earth and the wind, the summer thunderstorm, and the gentle snowfall. You may call it what you like, God, Great Spirit, or another name. The name does not matter. The feeling, the sense of belonging, connection, and love, that is what matters most.
My religion may still be a little murky, but my spiritual life is rich and full. Each day I can commune with nature and heal my soul.

I think we’ve all felt drawn to nature at some time, maybe it is the beach or simply staring out the window. Nature can heal, and right now, we could all use a little healing. May the natural world help heal you, friends.

I miss intelligent conversation. I miss my husband

I miss intelligent conversation. I miss my husband. I miss feeling like what I am doing is important. I miss being heard.
I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I try to focus on the positive and be grateful for what I do have, but I also long for a deep conversation about darker things, anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, and loss of connection.
My husband goes in to work every day still. By the time we get to sit down on the couch together, we are both tired and emotionally spent. We both worry that he will bring the virus home, and my asthmatic lungs won’t be able to handle it.
During the day, I care for my children. I help them with school work. I try to meet their emotional needs and provide them with a safe home. I cook. I clean. I manage our household. All things our society has placed little value on, so I struggle to feel valued, too.
I stay informed on how I can keep our family safe. I ask myself thousands of questions a day. Some questions have no easy answers, but yet could mean life or death for me or my family. These make my head hurt and keep me up at night with the weight of the responsibility on my shoulders.
I feel like I am not doing enough to help during this time at home. I cannot sew masks. I’ve stayed home for weeks now. I’ve donated money and supplies, but I still don’t feel that I am doing enough.
I feel like it is just me sitting here with my worry and idle hands. As a mom, I’ve developed this strange paradox of feeling unimportant and, at the same time, feeling like the fate of my family is in my hands.
Rationally, I know I am not alone. Rationally, I know what I do is important and valuable, but on the dark days I doubt it. My husband is going through his own struggles. Other moms are feeling the pressure, too.
I am not alone, but it is okay for me to feel the dark emotions. It is okay for me to give them time to overwhelm me. I can’t ignore them. They’ll just come back. I have to feel them to get through them. And when I do, I’ll feel better tomorrow.
It’s okay to feel dark emotions. We’re only human. And you are not alone in these feelings. Hold on. Tomorrow will be a better day.
What do you miss?

It’s Monday. I woke up to the reality of sending

It’s Monday. I woke up to the reality of sending my husband back to work at his essential job today and doubts crept into my mind about whether I am helping enough beyond staying home.

Routines help establish a sense of normalcy (especially for INTJ’s like me), so I went on my morning walk. As I stepped out my door, I realized it was a beautiful, frosty morning filled with sunshine. I breathed in the cool air, nature filled my senses, and my mood started to shift. My photographer’s eye took over, and I started finding lovely shots.

Even though I am ready for warm, spring weather, I found beauty in the lingering whispers of winter on a frosty April morning. My focus shifted to what was good, even though I preferred a different situation. It was a needed reminder to shift my focus to what I am grateful for in life. Have a grateful Monday!

#grateful #gratitude #embracenature #naturelover #nature #naturetherapy #sunshine #morning #intentionalliving #inspire #inspiration #newday #mentalshift #perspective #stayathome #inthistogetherohio #inthistogetheramerica #boldanddaringmom

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